I sometimes feel like a stranger to myself. Things have changed, and I have changed without knowing it. Even now knowing that I am not totally myself anymore as I used to, I just don't know what it was that I lost or changed. Is it for good that I changed? Maybe. I am not certain of things anymore, even of things that I want now. I cannot also sort things now the way I used to. And so a friend of mine asked me, "what it feels like to be 30?" First word that came in my head and which I said to her was, "Resigned, not pressured simply resigned."
I have a very close friend, Mr. F, who is capable of self healing FAST. When I say fast it is indeed fast. Which I find really special of him. He told me that I am living in the past. I will not say he is wrong because he could be right. I didn't say this to him but I don't feel that way honestly. Actually, I could anytime re-live the past if I'd want to but I didn't because I believe that doing so my dreams has a better chance in the future. However I cannot oppose nature, past affects the present. No matter how this brain realizes the potential impact in my future of letting my present be affected by the past, still it happens. It is just TIRING to actually try escape or neglect the effects of the past. SOMETHING'S LOST IN ME.
Maybe God and time is just all I need. Unlike Mr. F who has the ability to get better at will, as for me I need TIME. I've been praying to God to restore me, fill me. It's been a while... I miss myself.
